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| Image by Donald Trung from Wikimedia Commons |
Christmas time is here again, and you know what that means –
time to spend money you don’t have on things no one needs to please people who
don’t like you. At least, that’s what it’s always meant in my family.
Jim and I went Christmas shopping at the mall last weekend,
which was a whole ordeal in itself, and Jim bought his nephews gift cards. What
else was he to do – we’re old, we don’t know what kids like, and even if we
did, there’s not even a toy store at this sh*tty mall. Even if there was, do
kids even play with toys anymore? Don’t they just binge-watch YouTube videos
and scream profanities at strangers in online games?
The thing is, there’s a lot of debate as to whether or not
gift cards are an appropriate gift. People seem to fall into two camps: Those
who hate gift cards, and those who love them. The anti-gift-card folks argue
that gift cards are just as tacky as cash, but less useful, because you can
only spend them in one place.
To that, I say, just give the person one of those Visa or
Mastercard gift cards that’s just a pre-loaded debit card. Or, you know, just
give them cash. It’s 2017. Gays can get married, dogs and cats are living
together, men are wearing long hair and women are wearing trousers, and an evil
toupee is ruling the free world. I don’t think we need to be overly concerned
about the tackiness, or lack thereof, of giving another person, whom we
presumably like, cash or a cash equivalent as a gift. I mean, who doesn’t like
getting cash? When have you ever, upon receiving some free cash, recoiled and
exclaimed, “My word, I can’t possibly accept this tacky gift!” Never, because it’s
awesome.
Another argument against gift cards is that giving one is
like admitting that you’ve given up trying to find that person a thoughtful
gift. But, you know what, some people suck at gift giving, okay? There’s no
knowing how many marriages, families, and friendships have been saved by gift
cards. Even if you’re generally good at giving gifts, you might find yourself
in the position of having to buy for someone you don’t know very well, or
someone much younger than you who’s probably into cool and trendy things of
which you’re not even aware, or someone who already has all the things they
want. You know, one of those assholes who, when they want something, just goes
out and buys it like some kind of savage.
I love gift cards, for the record. When I was growing up, my
extended family always bought me pretty sucky Christmas gifts, because I was young and they were old and they never
knew what I might like and, looking back on it, my mother probably wasn’t much
help because somebody had to be feeding them these terrible ideas and she’s got
a few screws loose, bless her heart. I would have loved some gift cards. I always
asked for gift cards or cash, which request was always met with either a) raucous
laughter, or b) a pouting expression and the words “Well, that’s no fun!” No,
you know what’s really no fun? Sh*tty Christmas gifts, that’s what.
