Guys, it’s Day 29 of NaBloPoMo and I almost forgot to write
a blog post. In fact, it’s technically Day 30 of NaBloPoMo, but we all know the
day doesn’t really end until you go to bed, or the sun comes up, whichever
happens first. I’ll be glad when this hellish blogging challenge is over.
If, like me, you’ve long campaigned for the Facebook dislike button, you may have welcomed
the rollout of Facebook Reactions with a certain amount of…well, not
excitement, really…let’s say…attentiveness. But while the reactions do allow us
a minimally broadened range of emotion in our interactions with distant
relations and old high school classmates, they still leave a lot to be desired.
Especially lately. Here are the Facebook reactions we need in Trump’s America.
1) Barf
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| Image by Ebrahim from Wikimedia Commons |
Is Congress trying to take your healthcare, again? Are Nazis
rallying in your hometown? Is Garrison Keillor a f*ckbag? Is it snowing? You need
the barf reaction, and you need it now.
2) Middle Finger
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| Image by Ebrahim from Wikimedia Commons |
Dislike button? It’s too late for a dislike button. Angry
face? Doesn’t even begin to cover it. It’s time to bring out the big guns. We
need the middle finger.
3) Eye Roll
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| Image by Ebrahim from Wikimedia Commons |
Has your elderly aunt or first cousin twice removed praised
the Lord one too many times this week? Is your high school homecoming queen
posting those syrupy memes about how military wives are the best kind of wife
there is? Now you can show them exactly how you feel about their deeply-held beliefs.
4) Popcorn
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| This one looks like a basket of assholes, a.k.a. Congress. Image by Ebrahim from Wikimedia Commons |
I need this one for when my white trash cousins are going
all Jerry Springer up in my News Feed, all-capsing each other in a desperate
bid to be king or queen of the trailer park. It’s not a contest, guys, you can
all be awful.
5) Disappointed-But-Not-Surprised Face
I know what you’re thinking: Disappointed-but-not-surprised
is an emotion to subtle for an emoji. Perhaps, but it’s the perfect reaction
for today’s political climate. Has another beloved actor, news anchor, writer,
or politician been outed as a sexual predator? Is Trump tweeting again?
Disappointed-but-not-surprised face is the emoji innovation we’ve been waiting
for. If we can put a man on the moon, and an evil hair piece in the White
House, we can figure this one out.
6) Exhausted Face
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| Image by Ebrahim from Wikimedia Commons |
Every day, all day. Is it 2020 yet?
