Don't Call Me Marge: Here's What I've Been Doing Instead of Blogging, Just in Case You Were Curious

So Christina Majaski’s started nagging me about not blogging anymore, which is probably fair enough, because as it turns out I haven’t actually blogged since the end of August. Oops.

The last post I wrote was a fantabulous piece debunking brain myths. And I just now realized “fantabulous” was a word only because the spell-checker didn’t flag it. I googled. It’s a word.

I’m sure you’ve all been lying awake at night, clutching your pearls, constantly refreshing your browser window and going on with your lives as you’ve waited for me to post again, and I’m sorry. Longtime readers will know that I periodically disappear for weeks at a time because I can’t handle the pressures of fame. Stop drowning me in hundreds of comments and sacks of fan mail, you guys, I can’t take it.

Here’s what I’ve been doing instead.

Working a Lot

And stressing the f*ck out about it. It’s been pointed out to me that I should be happy just to have work, by people who don’t understand that there’s no way you can say "You have no right to complain, you've got it good" without sounding like a tool.

Celebrated My 29^th Birthday Again

I went out for sushi with a couple of my girlfriends like a goddamn grown-up because I am one. The waitress, who didn’t speak English very well and didn’t really understand it that well either, nevertheless figured out that it was my birthday and brought me, I shit you not, a balloon animal hat.

Here I am wearing it.

She and her colleagues gathered around my table and sang “Happy Birthday to You,” which I’m pretty sure is copyrighted, while banging on a drum. I was given a bizarre but not unpleasant dessert. I stoically wore my balloon animal hat for the rest of the night like a goddamn grown-up, because I am one.

Half-Finishing Blog Posts

This one probably goes without saying. Even as I type this I’m thinking that there’s a pretty good chance I won’t even finish this one. The first blog post I didn’t finish was going to be called “31 Things I’ve Learned” and it was going to be my birthday post, but as it happened I could only come up with one thing, because I guess I haven’t learned much, despite having graduated from college.

Incidentally, the one thing was, “If someone who lives or works in the adjacent space asks you if you’ll be bothered by them practicing their instrument every day, ask them to play you a song right then and there before you make your decision.” Yep, that’s what I learned in college. It cost me a hundred grand, but I’m giving it to you for free. You’re welcome.

I also did not finish writing a post about why my cat won’t shut up, why my cat won’t stop peeing in the guest bedroom, and How I Feel About TV. That TV one was supposed to be a #ThemeThursday post but then I didn’t quite finish it on time and now I feel like it’d be weird to post it. Also I just found out that #ThemeThursday is not a thing anymore so I don’t know what that means for me and my homeless, forlorn post about television.

Wondering If I Got a Blog Award That I Forgot to Mention

For weeks now I’ve had the nagging thought that someone gave me a blog award at some point and that I’ve forgotten to mention, linkup and answer those ridiculous survey questions everyone gives out (“You’re stranded on a desert island with Cher, Albert Einstein, and a monkey. How long does the train take to travel from New York to Chicago?”). If you gave me a blog award at any point in the past forever, and I haven’t acknowledged it, please hit me up in the comments.