So Christina Majaski’s started nagging me about not blogging anymore, which is probably fair enough, because as it turns out I haven’t actually blogged since the end of August. Oops.
The last post I wrote was a fantabulous piece debunking
brain myths. And I just now realized “fantabulous” was a word only because the
spell-checker didn’t flag it. I googled. It’s a word.
I’m sure you’ve all been lying awake at night, clutching
your pearls, constantly refreshing your browser window and going on with your
lives as you’ve waited for me to post again, and I’m sorry. Longtime readers
will know that I periodically disappear for weeks at a time because I can’t
handle the pressures of fame. Stop drowning me in hundreds of comments and sacks of fan mail, you
guys, I can’t take it.
Here’s what I’ve been doing instead.
Working a Lot
And stressing the f*ck out about it. It’s been pointed out
to me that I should be happy just to have work, by people who don’t understand
that there’s no way you can say "You have no right to complain, you've got it good" without sounding like a tool.
Celebrated My 29th Birthday Again
I went out for sushi with a couple of my girlfriends like a
goddamn grown-up because I am one. The waitress, who didn’t speak English very
well and didn’t really understand it that well either, nevertheless figured out
that it was my birthday and brought me, I shit you not, a balloon animal hat.
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Here I am wearing it. |
She and her colleagues gathered around my table and sang “Happy
Birthday to You,” which I’m pretty sure is copyrighted, while banging on a
drum. I was given a bizarre but not unpleasant dessert. I stoically wore my
balloon animal hat for the rest of the night like a goddamn grown-up, because I
am one.
Half-Finishing Blog Posts
This one probably goes without saying. Even as I type this I’m
thinking that there’s a pretty good chance I won’t even finish this one. The
first blog post I didn’t finish was going to be called “31 Things I’ve Learned”
and it was going to be my birthday post, but as it happened I could only come
up with one thing, because I guess I haven’t learned much, despite having
graduated from college.
Incidentally, the one thing was, “If someone who lives or
works in the adjacent space asks you if you’ll be bothered by them practicing
their instrument every day, ask them to play you a song right then and there
before you make your decision.” Yep, that’s what I learned in college. It cost
me a hundred grand, but I’m giving it to you for free. You’re welcome.
I also did not finish writing a post about why my cat won’t
shut up, why my cat won’t stop peeing in the guest bedroom, and How I Feel
About TV. That TV one was supposed to be a #ThemeThursday
post but then I didn’t quite finish it on time and now I feel like it’d be
weird to post it. Also I just found out that #ThemeThursday is not a thing
anymore so I don’t know what that means for me and my homeless, forlorn post
about television.
Wondering If I Got a Blog Award That I Forgot to Mention
For weeks now I’ve had the nagging thought that someone gave
me a blog award at some point and that I’ve forgotten to mention, linkup and
answer those ridiculous survey questions everyone gives out (“You’re stranded
on a desert island with Cher, Albert Einstein, and a monkey. How long does the
train take to travel from New York to Chicago?”). If you gave me a blog award
at any point in the past forever, and I haven’t acknowledged it, please hit me
up in the comments.
Cleaning Up Cat Pee in the Guest Bedroom
If you were planning on visiting me, I’d reconsider. The guest
bedroom is in a state.