Thursday, May 16, 2013

What I’m Proud Of (a #ThemeThursday Post)

So I’ve been aware of the link-up known as Theme Thursday for a while now, but I haven’t done it yet because I’m bad at Being Part of a Group. I used to think that I didn’t have friends because nobody liked me, but now I realize the opposite is true – I don’t have friends because I don’t want to be anybody’s friend. Y’all can suck my nuts.

Image credit: Benjamin Gimmel

So, this week’s theme is obviously “What are you proud of?” which I had to think about for a while, which is why the post is late. I’m proud of having earned my BA, but that was a long time ago and it’s becomes obvious that anybody who’s Anybody has at least a Master’s, and even though I’ve been talking about going to grad school since before I finished undergrad, I still haven’t mustered up the motivation to actually do it. By the time I finally do go to grad school I’ll be old and wrinkly and my womb will be as dry as the Sahara, and no one will want to hire me anyway, Master’s degree or not. But I guess that’s okay, cause I can just go ahead and get a doctorate.

Got it all figured out.

Everyone else is proud of their kids, which is all well and good if you have kids, and if you do, I should hope for their sakes that you’re proud of them or at least that you claim to be in public. I do not have kids, and I am proud of that. I’ll tell you what, not getting pregnant is a talent and damn am I good at it. Out of all my talents – writing, memorizing literary trivia, speaking French, wrestling cougars, roasting chickens, turning my bellybutton inside out – not getting pregnant has been the most rewarding by far.

I’ve also been single for four years next week, and I am definitely proud of this because it took effort. I haven’t been single for four years by accident. I had to work at it. I’ve approached being single the way many people seem to approach getting married – which is to say that I think of it as a commitment, but one that I can end whenever I want. Most people would question the benefit of four years of solitude, but most people can’t even get through a weekend without some company, so they can suck my nuts. I set out to become an independent person, and I did it.