Monday, April 29, 2013

Y is for Yelling

This one might strike some of you as a little incongruous, since I have been known to do a bit of yelling myself, especially when I’m in a drinking establishment and there is a band playing. I’m not one for being yelled at, however. Doing the yelling is one thing, I’m sure you understand. Being on the wrong end, as it were, of the yelling is not my cup of tea.

If I'm sounding extra British today it's because I was just reading some Terry Pratchett.
Image credit: Jan Hoffman

I’ve found myself getting yelled at often in my life, both in the recent and more distant past, and I’m getting really sick of it. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m avoiding a lot of people over this kind of crap. Granted, I don’t miss any of them, since mostly all they ever did was make my life miserable. As a matter of fact, it’s astonishing how much happier I am now that I’ve created a list of people who can kiss my ever-widening ass if they think they’re having anything further to do with me ever again.

I’ve been wondering what I can do about this sort of thing in the future, though. Actually kicking people’s asses isn’t an option, as I’m sure you can also understand. Experimentation has shown that yelling louder than them only works most of the time, and what’s more, it’s given me a reputation. I’ve thought about carrying a straw in my pocket and blowing a spit wad at anyone who yells at me from now on. Of course, they might try to kick my ass for that, but it’d be worth it if I could manage to shoot it right into their wide-open, screeching mouth. I’m sure I’d have at least a few seconds’ head start while they stood there wondering what the hell just happened. Besides, anyone who actually tries to kick my ass may find it more difficult than they might have expected.

Of course, I have a smart phone, so whenever someone yells at me I could just film it and post the video online. These are the kinds of things that get me yelled at so often, naturally.