Wednesday, April 24, 2013

U is for Untenable Unpleasantness

I couldn’t come up with a topic for U, so I googled “words that start with U” and wouldn’t you know it, I found two. I’m pretty sure there’s no one out there who hasn’t wanted to reach out and slap the stupid out of someone’s face just for being nasty.

I’m personally avoiding several people, some of whom are related to me, because their unpleasantness is just too much to be borne. When I was living with my aunts, one of them threw a laundry basket full of towels at me because I’d washed the towels, and I’d folded the towels, but, crucially, I hadn’t put the towels away. Later, when the aunts and I went to buy paint for my new house, and the paint boy at Lowe’s (who was kinda hot) was telling us that we should probably buy multiple paint pans, so as not to mix up the paints, she glared at him and said, in the snottiest voice you ever heard, “I know not to mix up the paints, I’m not stupid.” At some point later than that, I’m told (I wasn’t there), she threw a screaming temper tantrum in the middle of Mall-Wart because she went to put her purse back over her shoulder and got it caught on the bottom of her jacket.

It’s moments like these that you wished you lived in the Middle Ages, because you could probably get away with beating the crap out of someone who deserved it. You probably wouldn’t even have to do it secretly. Hell, in some areas you could straight up kill a dude if you were willing to pay off his family. Not that I’m advocating killing anyone, but some people could use a good slap.

In the teeth, with a brick.