I don’t think there’s a man in the world who doesn’t walk around
with his nose stuck way up in the air, telling anyone who will listen about how
his wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend/neighbor lady whose name he doesn’t even
know just does not need to wear any makeup, ever, and how sad it is that these ladies hate
themselves so much that they just need
to slap all this colored powder on their faces to feel beautiful. “Oh,” the man exclaims, voice full of woe, “why can’t
these women just see their own natural
beauty and accept themselves for who
they are?”
I don’t know – why can’t you just shut the f*ck up, you
controlling prick?
All this, despite the fact that many men don’t know a damn
thing about makeup and wouldn’t recognize a “natural look” if it walked up and
slapped the f&cking stupid right out of their faces. More than once I’ve
begun my morning grooming routine after having a new guy stay the night for the
first time, only to have said new guy have a f&cking panic attack or
something when he sees me put on makeup. “I didn’t know you wore makeup!!!!!”
he says, in a strangled voice, with a stricken look on his bloodless
face, because I’m just not the same woman now that he knows I wear face powder
and mascara every day.
Or maybe he just says it as an observation, because
dudes seem to have this obsession with the Low Maintenance Woman Who Doesn’t
Need Makeup, but also I think that when men think of “makeup,” they picture
this:
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Image credit: Darwin Bell |
But I digress. Every time a guy tells me I should wax my
vagina, I tell him, “Adult women have pubic hair, get over it.”
One dude tried to
get me to stop plucking my eyebrows, which, to this day, remains the weirdest
reason that I have ever laughed right in someone’s face. The same guy once gave
me a lecture on which menstrual products I should be using, because apparently regular
old tampons just weren’t good enough in his opinion. In case you were
wondering, yes, he had been born a male and had zero hands-on experience with
menstruation, but he did have another
girlfriend before so he knew all about it. This was, as you can imagine, a very
short-lived relationship.