Guilt trips. We’ve all taken them, and most of us have sold
tickets for them as well. There’s nothing like harnessing the power of guilt to
really manipulate someone. I mean, you can’t force other people to live their whole lives according to what pleases
you, but you can sure make them feel pretty sh*tty for pursuing their own
happiness instead of yours. Life’s too short to not spend it twisting yourself
into knots trying to please others, right?
Now, I expect this sort of thing from mothers, grandmothers,
and older female relatives who, let’s face it, probably mean well when they
give you condescending lectures about how if you keep on not being married at
this rate, you’ll just never have time to birth the seventeen babies you’re so
clearly intended to spawn. That’s not to say it doesn’t piss me off, just that
you’ve got to see it coming. I’m sure they see handing out guilt trips as part
of their time-honored role of making sure I don’t f*&k up my life.
 |
| Too late, auntie. |
I don’t care who you are, I don’t give a damn if my life
choices make you happy. The minute I sense someone using guilt to influence my
actions, I back away. If I wanted to live my life worrying about how my
decisions affect other people, I’d have kids. I did not, as you may have
noticed, have kids.
Here’s a tip: When someone talks about the things she wants
to do with her life, a good friend does NOT start whining about how sad, lost
and lonely he’d be if she did those things. That is the opposite of supportive.
Oh, so you say you’ll miss me terribly if I go backpacking across Asia? It’ll
hurt you so much that you won’t be able to stand it? Has it crossed your mind
that I don’t give a f*&k? What am I supposed to do, hang my head and say,
“Oh well, I guess I won’t do all the
things I’ve been dreaming of then. I guess I shouldn’t worry about my own happiness at all. Silly, selfish me, I’ll
stop right away! How else can I be of service?”
Let’s dispense with this “You’ve got to grow up sometime”
business as well. I’m a 30-year-old, college-educated homeowner. I run a copywriting business. How much
more grown-up do you want me to get? Did someone tell you that “growing up” and
“enjoying yourself” are mutually exclusive? Because – and you might want to sit
down for this one – they’re not. You can do both at the same time. Unbelievable,
I know.
If you want me to care about how happy you are, don’t try to
force me to care about how happy you are. I know that sounds counterintuitive
and it might not work because I am kind of a hard-ass, but it’s your best shot.
