I recently saw a guy on Twitter moaning about how
frustrating it is that no one ever takes his unsolicited advice. I’m pretty
sure he was joking but it’s hard to tell because we don’t have the sarcasm font
yet. Somebody needs to get on that – open source coders, I’m looking at you.
Nobody likes unsolicited advice. I know I’ve annoyed plenty
of people in the past with my own unsolicited advice, and even a couple of
times with too much solicited advice.
A wiser person than I once said, “Unsolicited advice often comes across as
criticism.” That’s true. It also often comes across as ridiculous. My
ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend has taken to giving me relationship advice, for
example. Let that sink in for a minute.
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| I'll be here when you're ready. ~Photo credit: ColKorn1982 |
This is ridiculous on more than the obvious level. Of course
the obvious level is obvious, so I shouldn’t have to explain it, but as my
mother used to say I saw on a bumper
sticker once, “No matter how good he looks, somebody somewhere is sick of his
sh*t.” I dated the same dude and I could tell you some things that would curl
your hair, if I thought it would do any good, but I’m old enough to know
better.
That’s the other thing – I’m old enough to know better. As a
general rule of thumb, if you’re significantly younger than the person you’re
giving unsolicited advice to, you might just want to shut it.
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| Believe it or not, I've been in a relationship or two before. |
When you’re giving unsolicited advice, it’s all too likely
that you lack a full understanding of the problem. The person you’re regaling
with your wisdom may be facing challenges of which you’re unaware. He or she
(okay, me, we’re still talking about me) may have gone so far as to consult
professionals and trust me, that is not you. If it were you’d have a business
card or something; check your wallet. No? That’s what I thought.
It’s also possible that the recipient of your sage counsel
doesn’t think they have a problem at all. Sometimes people aren’t asking for
help; sometimes they’re just talking. Not every remark is an opportunity for
you to leap to the rescue. I’m a person, not a dilapidated house. Put down the
hammer.
This is especially true of blog comments, where I seem to
get the most unsolicited advice. That’s not a surprise, since some people DO
NOT have a sense of humor. I got lots of unsolicited advice on my post “9
Reasons I Hate Being Smart,” for example. Here’s some unsolicited advice
from a reader who remained anonymous:
There's something to be said for being
humble. I appreciate you probably have a higher level of intelligence than the
majority of your company but you need to understand you're not alone. Ever
heard of Mensa? Find other so-called 'smart' people and talk about stuff that
interests you. Try and get some exercise rather than having a smoke or necking
a bottle of booze. It’ll help with the sleep and the ongoing inner monologue
you seem to have.
I get the whole ‘smarter than most and feeling out of sorts’ thing but you have an immature way of dealing with it. Like I said, go on a walk, meet some people and get some perspective.
I get the whole ‘smarter than most and feeling out of sorts’ thing but you have an immature way of dealing with it. Like I said, go on a walk, meet some people and get some perspective.
“Gee, you really put me in my
place, random person on the Internet! Gosh, my life will never be the same now
that you’ve shown me the error of my ways! I’m going to run right out and do
all those things you said, and then I’m going to write you a nice calligraphy letter
on scented stationery, apologizing for the trouble I put you through with my
shameful creativity, and promising never to do it again!” said no blogger ever,
I should bloody well hope.
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| For the record, I told him he was stuck up. There was no response. |
