So the other night, last night to be exact, this random guy
emails me out of the blue on OkCupid with the following deep and insightful
missive:
“If you are interested we could
maybe set up a friends with benefits situation. Or just one night would work also.”
Well! Somebody’s got some melon-sized balls, hasn’t he? I
mean, I don’t know this guy from Adam and here he is jumping right into a “let’s
be friends with benefits” message. Like, geez, whatever happened to taking a
girl out to dinner, listening carefully to all that she says, pretending to be
interested, and then announcing after you’ve fucked her that you’re not looking
for anything serious right now? I mean, just because we’ve got the Internet, it
doesn’t mean we get to be lazy.
Or maybe it does? Maybe I’m just old-fashioned? Maybe all
the young’uns are out there nonchalantly setting up casual sex dates with
strangers on the information superhighway? (Ha ha ha remember when they used to
call it that? The last time you heard someone say “information superhighway”
you were probably spinning a cassette tape around on a pencil, correct?)
Random women of the world, would you fuck this guy? Cause I
wouldn’t fuck this guy. It’s not that I have anything against casual sex,
either. I mean, I’m totally all about some casual sex. But if I wanted to have
a one-night stand, there are bars like five miles from my house.
And let me tell you, “just one night would work also” CRACKS
ME THE FUCK UP. I mean, OH MY FUCKIN GOD, DUDE. “If you don’t want to be my
friend with benefits, how about just a one night stand?” Did I mention this guy
lives like 45 miles away from me? That was actually my first thought – I’m not driving 45 miles just to have a
one-night stand, there are bars like five miles from my house. Rest assured
this was followed closely by my second thought, Who the fuck does this shit anyway? I mean, really, what kind of
creep goes around asking random, strange women if they want to be friends with
benefits and/or have a one-night stand? Is there some unspoken assumption that
anyone with an OkCupid account is implicitly looking for meaningless sex? Can
you not at least buy me a drink first?
 |
| It's going to take more than one drink, uggo. |
I have, in my life, been previously acquainted with the kind
of guy who thinks asking random women for sex is a good idea. These men are
neither attractive, nor mature. In fact, I haven’t personally met a guy who
admitted to believing that crap since I was in high school, so that should tell
you all you need to know.
The logic, in case you’re interested, seems to be that if
you ask enough random women for sex, eventually one of them is bound to say
yes. I wonder how well that works? I mean, on average, how many strangers would
you say a guy has to ask for sex before he lucks out with one who wants to shag
an ugly rando with no social skills?
|
| One hundred? Five hundred? ALL THE WOMEN IN THE WORLD? |
