Last year I just made
up a bunch of stuff, and did it badly, besides. I mean, I don’t know, I’m
not gonna re-read last year’s “year in review” post because my initial feeling
about it was that it was bad, and I don’t wanna risk going off on a failure-induced drinking binge. I know we’re all aware
of major world events that have occurred over the past 12 months, so I’m not
going to insult your intelligence by reminding you that stuff happened. No,
this year I’m gonna get personal, and talk about What Happened to Me, which I’m
sure you’ll all find fascinating.
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| Please, calm yourselves. |
I Quit Smoking
As regular readers will have noticed, I quit smoking on 19
January 2011. I had been a smoker for an embarrassingly long time. Even though
I’ve stopped, I’m still convinced that every cough, sneeze, sore throat and random
chest pain means I’ve got lung cancer. I’ve also been informed that I will
probably still get cancer, emphysema, COPD or some other nasty lung disease
when I get old. Yay.
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| That doesn't mean you shouldn't quit, kids! |
My Grandmother Died
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| RIP Grandma :'( |
My Right Leg Shriveled Up, Then Grew Back
Okay, that’s not as bad as it sounds. When I say “shriveled
up,” I really mean, “atrophied,” which occurred because
of a pinched nerve in my back. I had to buy a standing desk and
everything. The leg muscle grew back,
but I’m still having nerve pain and numbness in my legs and feet, and hip pain,
and back pain, and walking is kind of hard sometimes, so if you see me with a
cane, PLEASE DON’T ASK.
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| I seriously refrain from using one so I won't have to explain it to people. |
I Bought a House
Sometimes I wish I’d bought an RV instead of a house, and by
sometimes, I mean fucking daily. Don’t get me wrong, I like my house. I like
having rooms and a bed that does not also convert into a kitchen table. Living in a stationary dwelling has some advantages. My
stuff doesn’t fly out of my cupboards when I take a sharp turn. I don’t get
drunk and forget where I left my place of residence. But it’s so goddamned boring, you know?
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| My cake: I want to eat it, too. |
I Turned 30
That’s right, I’m a dried
up old hag now, and my life is over. Please, feel free to make insulting
remarks about my age and question my life choices. Here are some suggestions:
- So, did you decide you want a baby yet?
- Why aren’t you married?
- You’re not getting any younger, you know.
- You have to grow up sometime.
- Don’t you think you’re a little old for __?
- Oh, you’re 30 again?
You could also take a stab at guessing my age, or ask if the
fully-grown adult in my company is my son or daughter.
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| I'm not so crippled I can't beat you with this. |
I Got a New Cat (*SIGH*)
Yes, yes, my stars aligned and out
came a cat. He bites. I’m bleeding as a write this.
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| My Facebook friends say he's cute, he's just photogenic. |
