If you're still having
trouble distinguishing “your” from “you're” and “its”
from “it's,” this post is not for you. This post is lost on you.
Go
read this post instead. Maybe you'll learn something.
No, in this post, we're
going to learn
some new
words! See if you can't slip some of these into the convo
next time you're visiting the folks or binge drinking with friends.
Remember, though, in this economy, many people can't afford
ten-dollar words like these. Try not to show off too hard.
 |
| You b*tch, you know I can't afford this blatherskite. |
Formicate –
verb
Ha
ha ha ha it means, “to swarm like ants.” As in, The
neighborhood children formicate over the ice cream truck. You
dirty-minded bastard.
Flapdoodle –
noun
Nonsense;
bullsh*t; blatherskite.
This is one of my personal faves, but I can't seem to convince anyone
it actually exists.
When
I used the word flapdoodle, my creative writing professor told me to
stop making up words. That b*tch.
Flibbertigibbit
– noun
A
flighty, chatty person.
I thought I would die of boredom because the
flibbertigibbets I was hanging out with wouldn't
stop talking about their boob jobs.
Poodle-faker
– noun
Ladies' man.
Wait, what? Really?
Ultracrepidarian
– noun
One who is full of sh*t.
Callipygian
– adjective (I think)
Having
shapely buttocks.
Pulchritudinous
– adjective (definitely)
Physically attractive, curvaceous; usually used to
describe women or the female form.
Cockshut –
noun
Evening; twilight; totally not what you thought it was.
Honeyfuggle
– verb
To deceive, by flattery or sweet-talk.
The
callipygian poodle-faker honeyfuggled the pulchritudinous
flibbertigibbet with his ultracrepidarian flapdoodle, thus gaining
access to her bedchamber at the cockshut.
Well, well, well.
Fustigate –
verb
To
b*tch and moan.
I blocked him from my Facebook because he kept
fustigating about my Wall posts.
 |
| This is a real thing that I can, have, and will do. You are warned. |
Zedonk –
noun
The
offspring of a zebra and a donkey, in which the father is a zebra and
the mother is a donkey.
When
the zedonk's mother was drunk, she'd often say things like, “You're
the reason your father went back to the savannah!” Poor thing.
 |
| It's always the children who suffer. ~ sannse |
Gossypiboma
– noun
A
surgical sponge accidentally sewn up inside a patient.
Roger had
to sue the hospital because of the gossypiboma.
Yes,
kids, there's a word for that. Even worse, there's a picture of it.
Don't say you weren't warned:
 |
| Pictured: Your vocabulary dollars at work. |
Lippitude –
noun
Soreness
of the eyes.
That picture of the gossypiboma gave me some serious
lippitude, bro.
This will be hella useful for the next time you get
pinkeye.
Makebate
– noun
One who creates contention or strife; an asshole.
When
the makebate finally got his ass handed to him, the whole town
rejoiced.
Jaculation
– verb
To
throw or hurl. Almost
what you think it means.
Everyone watched with bated breath
as the pro dart player made his jaculation.
Last seen in Charles
Dickens's Bleak
House.
Humdugeon –
noun
An
imaginary illness.
I thought I had tooth cancer, but it was just
another humdugeon.
Anthropodermic
– adjective
Consisting
of human skin. When that guy you met online turns out to be a serial
killer, you'll be able to describe his home décor and/or wardrobe to
the 911 dispatcher. You're welcome.
Fantods –
noun
A nervous fit; a state of
extreme agitation.
The sight of the
anthropodermic sofa upholstery gave him the fantods – as well it
might, for his host was a chainsaw-wielding clown. “Dear God,” he
prayed, “if you get me out of this alive, I swear I'll never look
for dates on Craigslist ever again.” Alas, it was not to be, for
there is no God, and thus did the chainsaw-wielding clown gain a new
pair of matching lampshades.
|
| I'm f*ckin' sick, ya know that? |
