Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Things that Kinda Freak Me Out: Hairless Cats

Today, I thought I'd blog about hairless cats, or Sphynx cats as they're called, because they're freakin' hideous. They look like something you might wanna poke with a stick, or something that might just f*cking eat you if you fail to answer its riddles three.

Look at them. Just look at them. ~ JLplusAL

They start out resembling Dobby from Harry Potter...

Soon he'll be wanting paid for his work. ~ JLplusAL

...and wind up looking like your Granddad.

Hey kid, pull my finger! ~ JLplusAL

According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source online), these wrinkly monstrosities are warm to the touch, and feel like Chamois leather. No word on whether you can use them to wax your car.

The Sphynx breed originated in Canada, a nation with the perfect climate for bald housepets. The first Sphynx cat was born to a regular cat in 1966, and aptly named “Prune.” Breeders, dizzy with the glorious possibilities, bred Prune with its own mother, because that's not disgusting at all.

They came up with a second hairless kitten, which they then bred with Prune to create a race of inbred, sickly affronts to nature. They all died, and with them, died mankind's dreams of owning scary f*cking cats.

But wait! In 1975 and 1976, farm cats in Minnesota, USA gave birth to two more bald kittens. They were called Dermis and Epidermis, because bald cat breeders are like that. Having learned their lesson about the inbreeding, they crossed these cats with Devon Rex cats, a similar breed that isn't hairless, but still looks kinda funny due to its short, curly hair.

Or, as I like to call it, Cat-Fro. ~ freestyle nl

Devon Rex crossings were eventually phased out, but Sphynx cats are still sometimes crossed with Russian Peterbalds and Russian Donskys, two breeds which aren't entirely hairless but have a thin, velvety layer of fur that barely covers their modesty.

From left to right: Peterbald and Donsky. Not pictured: Affronts to nature.  ~ Peterbald, Alex Rave

Like other cats, the Sphynx cat's skin coloration matches its fur coat coloration...

Really! ~ rootskontrolla

...or would do if it had one.

Wikipedia notes that these cats “sleep with their owners under the covers” and “huddle against other animals” to keep warm. Well, no sh*t Sherlock.

I need a f*cking sweater because I don't have any f*cking fur, a**hole. ~ Quinton Moran

Unlike other cats, Sphynx cats need to be bathed once a week...

Put my ugly ass down and step away from the tub. ~  JLplusAL

...and cannot be left outside. They're vulnerable to sunburn, and can easily freeze to death.

Because I don't have any f*cking fur, b*tch!

And in case you're wondering what bald cats eat...

Oh dear Lord in Heaven, when does it ever end??? ~ Winona Morris