Thursday, June 30, 2011

5 Expressions I Absolutely Love

Last month I blogged about five expressions I can't stand. I could list five more if I wanted. But variety is the spice of life, so here are five expressions that I absolutely love.

1) Built Like a Brick Shithouse

Mamma uses this one all the time – “She was built like a brick shithouse.” I'm not quite sure what it means, but I'm pretty sure it's not a compliment. It's always conjured up some pretty interesting mental pictures, though, especially when I was a child.

You can tell it's a girl, cause it's got lips.

2) Fly Under the Radar

This one makes me feel like Snoopy fighting the Red Baron. It's an action movie in my head, man.

3) Jeepers

This is more of an interjection than an expression, but I'd like to see it make a comeback. Why? Because f&ck yes, that's why. It's perfect for any occasion. For instance, if something good happens,

“Guess what, John! I got a great new job! Pension, benefits, and everything! They're paying me a fortune!”

“Jeepers, Bill, that's great!”

Or, if something bad happens:

“You'll never guess what happened, Rob. My wife, Jane, just lost her hand in a freak SaladShooter® accident. She can't work now and I don't know what we're going to do.”

Jeepers, Tom, that's awful!”

Say it aloud to yourself right now – “Jeepers.” Say it a few more times, really savor it – “Jeepers, jeepers, jeepers.” If that doesn't make you feel like a silent film star, I don't know what would.

4) Cold as a Cast Iron Commode

I love this for its alliteration and, again, for the imagery. If it's even colder than that, you can tack on the addendum, “on the far side of an iceberg,” to nail down exactly just how cold it is. Pretty freaking cold, that's how. Cold enough your ass will freeze to the seat.

Bring the hot water. -- Matt Neale

5) Hung Like a Lightswitch

Possessed of a tiny penis.

One about this size, I'd say. -- Funpika