Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The UnFriending Lately Has Been Bounteous Indeed

Okay, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s made this observation, but this week has been THE BEST in terms of figuring out who you really need to unfriend from Facebook immediately and dis-invite from the family reunion. Between the multilingual Coca-Cola Super Bowl ad, the open letter from Dylan Farrow, and the tragic untimely death of Philip Seymour Hoffman, may he rest in peace, it’s been the perfect storm of social media dumbfuckery.

All we need to make it complete is a disease outbreak among some unvaccinated children, KNOCK ON WOOD.

I didn’t watch the Super Bowl because I had whole lot of not watching the Super Bowl to get done that day and what do you know, it took me the whole day to get around to it all. So I had to watch the Coca-Cola ad on YouTube like some kind of animal, which I’ll admit I only did when I decided to write this blog post, because as soon as I saw people all-capsing in my News Feed about how they’re NEVER BUYING COKE AGAIN and YOUR IN AMERICAN SPEAK INGLSIH (only with worse spelling) I didn’t need to watch it – I knew exactly what it was about. But I watched it anyway in the spirit of 100% pure journalism.

I’m sure these peoples' Coke-products boycotts will last exactly as long as it takes them to go out to some awful American chain restaurant that doesn’t serve RC Cola (because Pepsi products are for the gays, and I’ll have you know that I googled “Pepsi products are for the gays” to find that link, too), assuming they even know what RC Cola is. Their racist asses can go right on ahead and boycott that shit until they're blue in the face. Coca Cola sells a lot of soda to a lot of people in other countries, and I should know -- I’ve been to other countries and I’ve seen it.

This Indian kid probably speaks better English than you do, but if she didn't, THAT WOULD BE OKAY, TOO.

Image credit: ruffin_ready

Also this week (actually this happened first, sorry, I must be going in alphabetical order), Dylan Farrow broke her silence of 20 years to speak out about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her adopted father, Woody Allen. And everyone freaked out – not because OMFG THAT POOR WOMAN, but because OH NOEZ WHAT ABOUT THE ART.

If you’re going to suggest that sometimes children lie about having been sexually abused, like if that's going to be your go-to response here, please stop and ask yourself, “What the fuck is wrong with me?” The shitstorm that this has caused should be proof enough that there is nothing to gain, except a whopping heap of stigma, from making something like this up. Yes, I know Allen denies it. OF COURSE HE DENIES IT. For fuck’s sake. When you accuse someone of lying about sexual abuse, the only person who looks bad is you, because only an asshole does a thing like that. I would think this is pretty basic stuff, but “Don’t shoot people” is also basic stuff, and GUESS WHAT.

It's time for a photo so here's some kitties.

And that brings us to the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. If you don’t have any experience with or knowledge of addiction, I guess I can see why you’d fall all over yourself to be the first of your friends to sign on to Facebook and let the rest of your friends know that NO LOSS GUYS, JUST ANOTHER DUMB JUNKIE and STUPID ADDICT, HAD IT COMIN, ALL THOSE IDIOTS CARE ABOUT IS DOPE.

Let me just go ahead and point out that addiction does not indicate a character flaw or a lack of intelligence. It’s a chronic illness and it’s about as difficult to control as diabetes, asthma, hypertension, obesity or any other disease that you wouldn’t blame someone for having, except for you probably would blame someone for having obesity because you’re an asshat like that.

Here's another fucking kitten, you're welcome.