Monday, October 21, 2013

I Suck at Watching TV

So the thing is, I’m not actually that good at watching television. I’m just not motivated enough. I was reading Jenn Something Clever’s post “How to Watch Fall TV in 16 Easy Steps,” and thinking to myself, “You lost me at step one.”

I won’t even watch an online video that’s longer than a minute. I’ve got things to do. I’ve got toads to wait for.

She’s committed. I’m not committed. TV thinks I’m commitment-phobic. I think TV is nice but not marriage material.

Perhaps it’s needless to say that I don’t follow programs very well. Sometimes I’ll follow a show fairly well through several seasons, then miss it once for some reason, forget about it altogether, then find it two years later on Netflix and think, “Oh yeah, I was watching that.” I used to watch Game of Thrones but I spaced it two episodes into the third season and they’re probably all dead by now.

Kidding. I’ve read the books. I know that only half of them are dead by now.

Usually I’ll turn the TV on, only to end up grabbing a nearby book (there’s always a nearby book) and looking up two hours later like, “Shit, I left the TV on again. Oops.”

I follow exactly two shows, Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead, because I’m fashionable and shit. Also I didn’t actually follow Breaking Bad for the first four seasons, I just binge-watched them on Netflix. I nearly lost it when I visited some friends in Chicago for Riot Fest, but luckily I remembered that they always show the last episode right before they show the new episode. I’ll definitely lose The Walking Dead if season four doesn’t include more zombie attacks, cause that’s the only reason I watch it, to see who’ll get eaten (hint: I hope it’s Carl).

You might be surprised to learn that I do have a certain fondness for reality television. I was still a kid when The Real World came on so maybe it made some sort of unhealthy impression on my developing brain that presages the awful future, or maybe I just like feeling superior to people (hint: it’s the second thing). 

I like to watch Hoarders: Buried Alive when I’m tempted to feel sorry for myself, because it reminds me that hey, at least I’m not hoarding and buried alive. From time to time I watch Wife Swap the way you’d watch a train wreck if it were an hour long. I keep hoping they’ll swap wives for real, but they never do.

Then again, I guess they can't put THAT show on network television.

Image by imagerymajestic from


  1. I've gotten stuck on Hoarders many times. It's best that I don't even look at Netflix unless I plan on doing nothing but Netflix for 3 days. Otherwise, I'm not good at watching TV either.

    Also, I am not on your lawn. I am still enjoying the space. In case you were wondering.

    1. I think it's telling that you had to come over here to say that. You sure LOOK like you're enjoying your space. <--sarcasm

      Hoarders is the reason I had to take the TV out of my bedroom. I heard they're canceling it though.

  2. Replies
    1. Put down the gun, Carl! Don't name the pigs, Carl! QUIT TEASING THE WALKERS, CARL!

  3. I've gotten really bad at watching TV as well. I guess that's why I don't watch much TV anymore.

    Last season I started watching Revolution but the characters would piss me off so bad that I would start tweeting about how much I hated all of them and then other people would tweet about how I was right. So I stopped watching. Then when it started back up this year I started watching Revolution again and it started pissing me off again. I guess really I'd like to see the whole world's power grid shut down and send us back to 19th century technology. The problem is in that show is that when the power turned off so did everyone's brain and they all became incredibly stupid and annoying.

    Maybe I should stick to Family Feud even though it does look like they keep recycling about 10 of the same families and just have them change clothes. At least I can sit there and be stupid and not get mad about it.

    Tossing It Out

    1. I've heard that "Revolution" show sucks. I didn't even know "Family Feud" was still on. THAT'S crazy.

  4. I watch Walking Dead. They shoot the show about 20 miles from my house and I've spent the last two years trying to get friends or friends to get me a shot at being a walker who gets their head cut off by Michonne or cross bowed by daryl.

    I'm a neat freak so the one episode of Hoarders I saw with my wife made me so grossed out, I yelled at her al night.