Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Why Do We Effin’ Cuss?

As I’m sure you’re aware, the whole point of the ABCs of Swearing Blog Challenge is to swear in our blog posts. After having read some of the other challengers’ posts, I’m beginning to think I’m dropping the fucking ball here since some of these bloggers are swearing a lot more than me, and it was my foul mouth that got the whole fucking thing started in the first fucking place. You’re no doubt aware that the inspiration for this whole shebang came from my being nagged about my use of language when I participated in the A to Z Challenge this year. To make matters worse (for them at least), I didn’t back down apologetically, but instead blogged about what fartmunchers I think they are. The fact that I have been coming in last in my own fucking swearing contest further underscores that only a halfwitted fuckstick would find my language offensive in the first place.

This post doesn't count, because I'm obviously making a fucking effort now, aren't I?

The reason I’m bringing all of this back up is that I was tweeting on Twitter last night with my tweep Andi-Roo, and she let me know that my encounter with Mr. Bird has inspired him to write a three-part (three part!) blog post about profanity and how if you use it, there is obviously something wrong with you. I’m not going to link back because fuck that, but it got me thinking about dirty words and why we fuckin’ use them. Of course, there's always some fuckbutt who wants to tell me that I have a dirty mouth on account of being raised poorly by a crackwhore mother in a broken home on the wrong side of the tracks. I say, who doesn’t come from a broken home these days? But seriously, as I’ve said in a previous post, I don’t know why these fuckwits always try to drag my mother into it. The uptight fuckwads don’t know me and they certainly don’t know my mother, which is just as well for them because my mother is not to be fucked with.

Now, if you haven’t yet clutched your pearls and run off shrieking to hide behind your male guardian, you probably agree with me that a proclivity for profanity is not a sign of bad breeding, poor education, a sad need for attention, or any of those other outdated stereotypes that most of us stopped believing sometime last century. You know I researched this matter, because only a fuckbag would spew out their own half-baked opinions and call them facts. The research shows that pretty much everyone swears – and even those who don’t choose to swear know how to. People begin learning to swear at about two years of age; the average person develops a vulgar vocabulary of up to 40 words by school age, and has adult swearing capacity by age 11. But you knew that, because you remember being 11, right?

When polled, young people said that they learned to swear from their families and friends, not from TV or blogs. So, the next time some fuckbrain claims he never swears because he’s better than that, rest assured that he is fucking lying, and definitely fucking swears even if only fucking mentally. Also, I think it’s safe to say that we’re not protecting any children by censoring the use of language in the blogosphere or anywhere else.

But that’s okay! Because the research also shows that swearing mostly does no harm, and is almost always used as a means of communication, bonding, or stress management. Swearing allows us to express strong emotions, like frustration or anger, which would otherwise be difficult to express. In addition to helping us express negative feelings, it also helps us express strong positive emotions, like enthusiasm. It’s been scientifically proven to be an important vehicle for humor, storytelling, or social commentary. Last, but by no means least, vulgar terms help us talk about sex.

And of course, there’s that study published a few years ago that suggests that swearing when we hurt ourselves may relieve the pain. Swearing activates the centers of the brain linked to the flight-or-fight response, which may explain why shouting “Oh fiddlesticks!” does not feel quite the same as shouting “Shit goddamit motherfucker!” when one stubs one’s toe. The words we use to swear are centuries old, and aren’t easily supplanted by modern slang words, which is why there are so many variations of “fuck” in this blog post – because, aside from unpleasant words for queers which I won’t use, different forms of “fuck” are basically your only fuckin’ option.