Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Not a Reflection on My Own Mother at All

You know how people are always sharing those goddamn gushy Facebook reposts that are like, If you have a mother who works hard and loves hard, who took care of you no matter how bad you were, who stood by you through thick and thin — if you're blessed to have her still with you, or if she's an angel up in Heaven, repost this as your status. Because you can replace most people in your life, but you can't replace your mother! 97% of you won't repost this, because you're ungrateful little pieces of shit and your poor old sainted mothers deserve better!”

I really want to start one that says, “If you have a mother who's lazy and hateful, who treated you like a glifnard 1 no matter how hard you tried, who slept with your husband (or wife), and who praises your siblings while putting you down -- whether you still have to put up with her godforsaken crap or whether she's finally been silenced forever by the cold icy hand of death -- repost this as your status. Because you can break up with most people, but you can't break up with that black-hearted bitch who spawned you. 97% of you won't repost this, because you lucky bastards have mothers who love you."

Because terrible mothers exist, and people who have them should be fairly represented on social media.

1 Glifnard -- noun -- A lame motherfucker.