Yes, I know I’m THIRTY YEARS OLD NOW and I’m NO SPRING
CHICKEN ANYMORE (Spring chicken? Who talks like that? OLD DUDES, THAT’S WHO.) It
might shock you to know that I still get hit on by dudes in their twenties all
the time. Hell, a couple of years ago, (before I was all old and dried up!) I
actually went out with a 19-year-old. It was an accident. I didn’t realize he
was a teenager and he didn’t realize I was ALMOST DEAD at the RIPE OLD AGE OF
TWENTY-EIGHT, GOD FORBID, but he was sexually interested, is my point. The date
actually ended on a super-awkward note when we both realized that we’d been
born in different decades, because it took him like three hours of listening to
me talk about my whole adult life before it occurred to him that maybe I was a lot older than him, because that’s how not old as
hell I look, Old Dudes.
Of course, that was two years ago so I probably look like an alligator hatbox by now, right? Wrong. If you need further evidence that I'm still capable of attracting men my own age, on my 30th birthday I was out at the bar and some random chick asked me what grade I was in. So you can stop it with the “you’re not so young yourself, kiddo” sh&t. In fact, maybe if you find yourself calling the person you’re trying to sleep with “kiddo,” you should rethink whether or not that’s an age-appropriate pairing.
Of course, that was two years ago so I probably look like an alligator hatbox by now, right? Wrong. If you need further evidence that I'm still capable of attracting men my own age, on my 30th birthday I was out at the bar and some random chick asked me what grade I was in. So you can stop it with the “you’re not so young yourself, kiddo” sh&t. In fact, maybe if you find yourself calling the person you’re trying to sleep with “kiddo,” you should rethink whether or not that’s an age-appropriate pairing.
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It's half your age plus seven, pervert. |