Late last night, I was lying in bed flipping through the
channels for something to watch, and I came across a program called Ferrets:
The Pursuit of Excellence on PBS. As luck would have it, I came to the
program in the middle, just in time for this:
If you needed a reason to keep funding PBS, folks, there it
is. The same lady goes on to explain that she got into ferret breeding after
her children left home, and that she finds it, in some ways, more fulfilling
than raising kids, because, and I swear to Bill Nye this is an exact quote, “You
can put them in cages, and they arrest you if you do that to your kids.”
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| Fair enough. |
The program talks about ferret breeders and ferret shows,
and what makes a show ferret, and how exciting it is to win ferret show ribbons
and trophies. At one point we’re treated to a montage of all these different
peoples’ ferrets dressed up in silly costumes, including a Hawaiian hula dancer
costume with six coconut-shell boobs. Cute.
The ferrets, of course, hang limply in their owners’ hands,
with “please, kill me now” expressions on their little weasel faces. Some of
them are wearing hats.
I think ferrets are cute and all, but I never really
understood the whole “pet show” thing. I guess once you’ve got a bunch of
ferrets, the least you can do is show them off.
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| Look at this guy holding his ferret behind his back like it's a water bottle or something. ~ Rob Farrow |
1) Ferrets began gaining
ground as pets in the 1980s. I remember this, because Mamma bought a couple
at one point. I don’t remember what happened to them, or what their names were,
or even whether I liked them or not, but they were around, dammit.
Prior to the 1980s, ferrets were illegal in the United States,
but their surge in popularity tempted many states and municipalities to rescind
these laws. They remain restricted in some states and cities.
2) A group of ferrets is known as a business. So when you go to
a ferret show, you’re walking into a business of ferrets.
3) Ferrets are a close cousin of the European polecat, from
which they were likely domesticated back in the mists of time, by which I mean
between 1500 and 500 BC. They may also have been domesticated from the Steppe polecat, or
perhaps from both species, somehow. It’s true that, in areas where ferrets and
polecats live together in the wild, they’ll contentedly produce little
half-breed love weasels like they’re trying to repopulate the planet, or
something.
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| Kinky. ~ Jan Dusek |
4) In 1877, farmers in New Zealand decided to introduce ferrets
to deal with the rabbits, which had already taken over the entire southern hemisphere. Between 1879 and
1886, several thousand ferrets, weasels and stoats were released in New
Zealand. They ate all the rabbits, and then proceeded to decimate the islands’
native bird populations.
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| Thanks Obama. |
5) For thousands of years, ferrets were used as hunting animals
in a practice known as “ferreting.” Their curiosity, bloodthirstiness, and
pipe-cleaner-like physical properties make them an excellent choice for
flushing rabbits, moles, rats and other rodents out of their holes. In 6 BC,
the Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus used ferrets to stamp out a plague of rabbits
in the Balearic Islands.
Some nations, including Finland and the UK, continue to control pest rabbits in
this manner.
6) The American Ferret Association was founded in Montgomery
County, Maryland, in 1987. They seek to educate the public about ferrets,
support the Black Footed Ferret
Program, help veterinarians receive continuing education about treating
ferrets, hold ferret shows, and support ferret breeders and ferret rescue
shelters. That’s right, just like with dogs and cats, if you’re interested in
adopting a ferret, you can go pick up somebody’s used one.
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| Fully loaded, only 30,000 miles. |
