Friday, October 19, 2012

Fun Friday Facts #48: The Second Presidential Debate

I was going to blog about this already, but shit kind of got out of hand, not least of all because I’ve been sitting around here for two days going, “What can I possibly say about this that hasn’t already been said,” the answer to which, of course, is, “Has anyone else noticed that President Obama has beautiful hands?”


The laptop spazzed out and ate my notes, which is just what I get for using an old French laptop/not writing things down the Old Fashioned Way with like a pen and stuff, but, you know, this debate was so memorable that, it turns out, I didn’t need any notes. The “Binders Full of Women” Facebook fan page had, like, 100,000 likes (at least) by eleven o’clock, and now has over 350,000 likes. Personally, watching that meme explode was one of the most exciting events of the entire election season to date. I mean, seriously, BINDERS FULL OF WOMEN. BINDERS. I’m sure it’s already been pointed out, but, no one uses binders anymore, Mitt.

We're on to iPads now. ~ Tom Morris

I can’t remember if that was before or after the bit where Romney lets us all know that the answer to the gun control question is that everyone should get married, for some reason – I don’t really understand, but I guess that’s because I have a weak female brain.  A Facebook friend, Maxx, brought up some salient questions:

Should we buy our guns before or after we get married? I don’t know, dude, my take-away from that was that once we’re all safely married, the need for guns will disappear, but then again, as I said, I only have a weak female brain;

Would Romney’s plan allow working women time off when they need to go buy guns, or is that time off to be used strictly for cooking dinner, picking up the kids from soccer practice and buying kneepads? Maybe we could start selling guns and kneepads in the same place for convenience? “I’ll be home soon, dear, just need to stop off at the Gun ‘N Kneepad Depot real quick”?

Sounds like a plan American can get behind. *snort*

Also, you know, this:

I was raised by a single parent, too, and I’ve never shot anybody, even a little bit, although the “getting somewhere in life” part is still up for debate, if you go by the hate mail I receive.

Or my bank account, for that matter. ~ William Ross

My favorite part was when Mitt Romney harkened to his immigrant heritage – in front of BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA. Much has been made of the fact that Mittens’s inexplicably named son Tagg felt like punching Obama for calling his precious Daddy a liar (and for being “an obstinate child”) but I’m pretty sure there was a moment or two there when Obama was calculating the possible effect of a well-executed right hook on the undecided voter demographic.

Get in line, Barry. ~ Gage Skidmore

I’m kind of glad I waited three days to blog this, because a lot of interesting facts have come up since then. Those of you privileged enough to be allowed into my personal Facebook page can probably stop reading, because I will have already inundated you with my posts about:

1) Prominent economist, character actor and Clear Eyes spokesman Ben Stein took his life in his hands on Fox News, announcing, “We’re going to have to raise taxes on very rich people.” I love Ben Stein, and always dreamed of winning some of his money.

2) The Salt Lake Tribune has announced its endorsement of the Obama campaign, which is a pretty big deal, not just because Mittens is a Mormon, but because SLC is his mama’s hometown, he went to school there, he met that shrieking harpy of a wife of his there, shackled himself to her on this planet and the next there, and ran the 2002 Olympics there. The article begins, “Nowhere has Mitt Romney’s pursuit of the presidency been more warmly welcomed or closely followed than here in Utah.” It then goes on to call Romney “servile,” “shameless” and a bunch of other nasty things, before praising Obama’s efforts to keep us all from being completely fucked.

If you don't understand, ask your grandparents.

3) Katharine Fenton, the woman who asked about the wage gap issue, has been crucified in the conservative press for having the wrong genitals for thinking and speaking and stuff. Curiously, she is “passionate” about gender equality in the workplace and female reproductive freedom, but is not a feminist, and still can’t decide who to vote for!

You've got to be kidding me.

4) Paul Ryan’s taken a lot of flack this week for forcing a photo shoot at a non-politically-affiliated soup kitchen, where he turned up uninvited and pretended to wash a pot so he could look good for his fanboys. The soup kitchen – which relies on donor funding – was totally not supposed to be doing anything that might be construed as an endorsement of a political candidate, like letting one have a photo shoot on the premises. The soup kitchen now reports a “substantial backlash,” among its donors, meaning that it’s basically lost a lot of the money it needed to feed all those poor people who depended on it.

"They should take responsibility for their own lives."

5) Naturally, Romney didn’t ask for any “binders full of women.” No one is surprised, because it’s Mitt Romney we’re talking about here, after all, and also because Mittens doesn’t seem to fully grasp the concept of a binder or, for that matter, the concept of a woman. In Massachusetts – where Romney was governor but where Obama is “mysteriously” leading in the polls – the numbers of women in senior government positions declined until, in 2006, they were lower than they had been when Romney took office.

They were all in binders, yuk yuk yuk.

6) Tagg Romney now owns voting machines that will be used in the upcoming general election, specifically in Ohio, Oklahoma, Colorado, Washington and Texas. No one seemed to pay much attention to the voter fraud stuff that occurred in the 2004 elections in Ohio, so, I guess we’re still going with letting individuals actually own voting machines, even if those individuals happen to be the blowhard son of an actual candidate. I can’t with this country anymore.


7) The Scholastic Student Vote, which has accurately predicted the outcome of all but two Presidential elections since 1940 (neither one of them being the 2000 one, either, crucially), has Obama winning with a 51% majority. One of my friends shared this on Facebook, only to have some asshat come along and point out that a fucking squirrel in South Carolina has selected Mittens for our next Fearless Leader. I counter with the totally reliable 7-11 coffee cup poll, which has Obama winning by a huge margin.  

Seriously, a fucking squirrel. ~ Franco Folini