I did cats last time I did
one of these (which was the Friday before last, because, it pains me
to admit, I have issues with commitment), and cats and dogs go
together like...two things that do not go together very well,
actually. Oil and water. Husbands and mothers-in-law. Something like
that. I dunno, you guys, I'm grasping for straws here, since I'm
pretty crap at coming up with topics for these things, anyway. Here's
everything you ever wanted to know about dogs, but were afraid to
ask, because you have irrational and very oddly specific fears,
presumably.
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| On an unrelated note, I am currently obsessed with DogShaming.com. Check it. |
1) Dogs
may have emerged as a species distinct from gray wolves as many
as 100,000 years ago, although the oldest known specimen of a dog is
only 33,000 years old. the lineage of modern dogs can only be traced
back about 15,000 years. Older lineages of dogs died out during the
Last
Glacial Maximum, a period between 19,000 and 26,500 years ago
when glaciers covered large portions of Asia, Europe, and North
America.
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| This shit just got complicated, fast. ~ Robert A. Rohde |
2) Sargeant
Stubby, a pit bull (we think), became famous nationwide for his
acts of heroism in France during World War I. Stubby entered the
service when he befriended Corporal Robert Conroy at Yale Field in
New Haven, Connecticut, during military drills. Conroy became so
attached to Stubby that, when he shipped out, he smuggled the dog
onto the boat. Stubby served with the 102nd Infantry
Division, 26th Yankee Division for 18 months, starting on
5 February 1918. He fought in 17 battles.
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| And got all these medals. |
In addition to improving
morale, Stubby also learned to warn his unit of incoming artillery
shells – his sensitive ears were able to detect them far sooner
than his humans could. When Stubby was wounded in April 1918, he
didn't lose hope – instead of moping around, like a stupid human
would do, Stubby cheered up the other wounded until it was time to
return to the front. When Stubby suffered from a gas attack, he used
his new knowledge to warn the others of impending poison gas clouds.
He located wounded soldiers in no man's land and, in the Argonne, he
single-handedly (footedly?) captured a German spy. When American
troops liberated Chateau-Thierry, the ladies of the village made
Stubby his spiffy jacket, giving him, at long last, something to pin
his medals on.
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| His many, many medals. |
When the war ended, Conroy
smuggled Stubby home again, where he was feted as a hero. Stubby led
parades across the nation and was received by Presidents Wilson,
Coolidge and Harding. When Conroy began attending Georgetown
University Law Center, Stubby went too, and became the football
team's mascot. He was decorated with over a dozen medals, and honored
with a lifetime membership to the American Legion, among other
organizations. Stubby died at the age of ten (or eleven), in his
owner's arms. His remains are on display at the Smithsonian, and, on
11 November 2006, he was given a brick in the Walk of Honor at the US
WWI monument in Kansas City.
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| OMFG now I'm crying. |
3) As King of the Hill
fans will already be aware, dog dancing is a thing. It's officially
called musical canine freestyle and is described
on Wikipedia as a “mixture of obedience training, tricks and
dance that allows for creative interaction between dogs and their
owners.” It emerged in the late 80s and early 90s in the US,
Canada, England and the Netherlands. The first official group,
Musical Canine Sports International, appeared in British Columbia in
1991. While British groups apparently focus more on training the dog
to heel (to music?), American groups incorporate more flashy tricks
and elaborate costumes.
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| Because we can't hear you over the sound of our freedom. ~ Mary Jo Sminkey |
In freestyle heeling, the
dog remains close to the handler while mimicking his or her
movements, almost as if they are invisibly linked. In musical
freestyle, the dog learns to jump, do tricks, weave through the
handler's legs, and other elaborate stuff. To music.
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| People spend time on this. Then they hold competitions. ~ Mary Jo Sminkey |
4) Dogs are apparently
doing yoga now (known as “doga,” ha ha ha) by which I mean,
there are special classes into which you can take your dog and
manhandle it into all sorts of pretzel shapes. Participants also use
their dogs as yoga props, because exploiting living things is totally
in the spirit of yoga.
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| Totally! |
Critics
call the practice a “fad” and claim that it has trivialized an
ancient and sacred spiritual practice (never!). Proponents argue that
doga helps owners bond with their dogs, as well as providing extra
weight resistance, when you flop them on top of you like a sack
of beans.
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| "Help." |
