Thursday, January 26, 2012

Quitting Smoking: Day Eight

Well, I'm into my second week as a non-smoker, and guess what, the nicotine patch is a f*cking miracle. If I didn't have this little bugger I'd be smoking again by now, or implicated in a homicide (possibly a double homicide) or, failing either of those options, I would've popped a freakin' eyeball at some point. In between my grandmother going back to the hospital with pneumonia, those chain-smoking biznatches I live with sending me out to buy their f*cking cigarettes (unfair), a root canal and general smokelessness, this has not been the easiest of weeks. Nevertheless, I prevail.

Me and my lollipops, my lollipops and me.

Actually, I'm on Jolly Ranchers now, for a change of pace, and also because they have half as many calories apiece. Never said I wanted to get fat. I tried toothpicks for awhile, but it just wasn't the same. For one thing, they taste of wood.

They're better with beer than lollipops, though.

I've also taken up (well, reprised) yoga and meditation, because I need to chill the f*ck out before I rip somebody's face off.


Every time I picture myself smoking a cigarette, I revise that image to one of me holding a lollipop.

Progress so far:

My skin still looks like crap. I'm not sure if it's supposed to improve or not, but I sure hope it does. 

Breathing appears to be easier, or at least it was when I was jogging the other day.

I can't tell if I'm irritable because I've quit smoking, or if the people around me truly are irritating, or both.

I have fought down the urge to slap whoever happens to be within easy reach exactly 3,427 times. (That's 28.5 times an hour, not counting the hours I've been asleep).

Crazy dreams have made an appearance, but then again I always have some pretty crazy dreams, like the one where Paula Deen was my personal chef. These dreams, however, have protagonists, antagonists, narrative devices, and coherent plots. They're organized, cinematic, and even largely realistic.

Normally, my dreams look more like this. ~ John Haynes Photography

The sneezing has subsided, but I still haven't coughed anything up. The chain-smokers think that this is because I didn't smoke that much. Either that, or the coal dust in my lungs is maintaining the status quo.

My friend Amberr, who is on her fourth day today, said on her blog that she's been sweating out a bunch of nasty toxins. That hasn't happened to me. As far as I can tell, my perspiration smells as it's always done – of goulash.

Well, it smells of goulash to me, anyway. ~ m.louis

Everyone keeps congratulating me, which seems a little pre-emptive. I mean, not to undermine myself or anything, but I've totally refrained from smoking for longer than a few days in the past and still managed to start again. I'm just being realistic, there's still plenty of time to f*ck up. On the other hand, it's really sweet of them to be so positive and supportive.

Or maybe they're just afraid.


  1. 8 days, closing in on 800! You can do it today and for always. Stay strong!

  2. I didn't cough anything up either and I kept waiting for it. Didn't think I was cleaning anything out if I didn't. Maybe it only happens to some people that quit.

    Being around other smokers has to be 10 milli times harder. I was lucky to just be around my kid. You're doing a great job. Super happy for you, Marjorie.

    1. I can't comment, wth? Only way to do it is with a reply, so here goes. Go girl! 8 days is a good start, you can do this!

      If Paula Deen was your personal chef, then you'd have to worry about getting fat.

      I want to slap everyone and I don't there's that, if it helps.


  3. I've always had crazy dreams like that and I've never smoked so I wouldn't start blaming the cigarettes just yet! And probably people are just irritating. Possibly smoking made that more manageable. I've never counted how many times an hour I want to slap somone, I expect the number would be quite high. I count rants instead. I can usually count rants per day on one hand, two hands on a bad day. But one rant covers many impulses to slap someone. It's just a more manageable number.

  4. You're doing great. Today was jolly rancher day, too. My inner cheeks are raw, but maybe my ass looks smaller. I hope so. The patch is a miracle. I REALLY wanted a cig today, but I worked through it. Hang in there. You (we) can do it!!!

  5. You're doing so well! So impressed xx

  6. You inspired to me to blog about my upcoming quit and I so want to share this shit with you haha. I love your honesty. I'm sure you have been to the "quit smoking" sites and read through some of the posts. For me they are annoying because it never seems like what I'm going through and the "cheerleader" posts only piss me off. What you are doing and saying is more real to me. I haven't started blogging yet, but I have a draft ready to go. The beginning of a quit is somewhat easy for me. It's that unpredictable phase a few weeks in that always catches me off guard. Don't let it grab you by the toe.

  7. Not impressed, call me when you've gone a month.

    Was that better?

  8. Thanks, you guys! Good luck Amberr, you totally got this! Thanks for the tip drmr567, glad I inspired you. You'll have to send me a link to that blog. :)

  9. I think it's great that you're trying. Also? Lollipops are awesome. I'm not a smoker but I totally dig a good tootsie roll pop.

    Not that you asked but a good friend has a PhD in anxiety research specializing in smoking cessation. I don't know you (we're tribemates but really what does that mean?) but according to her the reason so few smokers are successful in quitting is that there was a reason you started in the first place. If you don't deal with whatever that reason is, you'll always end up going back to it.

    I hope that isn't discouraging? Anyway best of luck to you! Enjoy the suckers!

  10. Yeah, there was a reason I started -- BECAUSE IT HELPS. lol Thanks Alexis. ;)

  11. Green tea (brew the good stuff, loose leaves) and stick with the running, it'll help with the cravings. Keep at it!