You can take this blog post,
and use it to wipe your ass, for all I care.
1) The oldest toilet may
date back to the 26th century BC, but toilet paper is
considerably newer than that. The Chinese invented toilet paper, and
they've been using it since at least 589 AD. Other people, such as
the Arabs, thought this was disgusting, but nevertheless, the Chinese
were manufacturing ten million packages of toilet paper per yer by
the 1300s. These packages ranged in size from 1,000 to 10,000 sheets.
Some were up to two feet by three feet (60.9 by 91.4 cm) big. That's
actually a pretty big freaking sheet of toilet paper. The imperial
family had extra-soft sheets made. Of course.
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| The imperial asshole is very delicate, you know. |
Meanwhile, in other parts of
the world, people were making due with toilet paper alternatives.
These included corn, wood shavings, rags, grass, leaves, snow, and
sand, for some reason. Some people used their hands, afterward
washing them with water and soap, because you would.
2) The typical American uses
about 50 pounds (23 kilos) of toilet paper each year, which is half
again as much as any other Western country. Yes, kids, we're that
full of sh*t.
3) We also export a lot of toilet paper. In 1999, we exported $44, 331,000 worth of toilet paper
to Canada. The second largest consumer of American toilet paper that
year was the UK, which purchased $579,000 worth of American toilet
paper.
4) In 1973, the United
States experienced a toilet paper shortage. The oil crisis was in
full swing, and Johnny Carson (you know, the comedian) thought he'd
make a joke about there being a toilet paper shortage. Carson didn't
count on the age-old American custom of believing everything you see
on the television/read somewhere.
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| No one's offended -- the Americans stopped reading when I told them they were full of sh*t. |
On 19 December 1973, Carson
joked to his audience that the United States was running out of
toilet paper. By noon the next day, you couldn't find a roll for sale
anywhere in the country. Carson soon apologized and explained that he
was joking, but it took three weeks to get toilet paper back into
American supermarkets. Some people bought so much toilet paper that
morning that they were still using it for years.
5) You know how, sometimes,
when you go into a fancy hotel, you find the end of the toilet paper
roll folded up into an interesting shape? Yeah, there's a word for
that. It's “toilegami.”
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| Just thought you'd like to know. ~ Richard Faulder |
6) According to Ann Landers,
one of the most controversial topics in the nation is whether the
toilet paper should dispense from the topside or the bottom side of
the roll. And here I would've thought it would be abortion, or gay
marriage, or immigration, or something like that.
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| We know which side our bread's buttered on. ~ Elya |
70% of Americans prefer the
toilet paper to be dispensed from the topside of the roll. Factors
affecting this preference are said to include political beliefs, age,
socioeconomic status, and gender. It is believed that most people who
prefer the toilet paper dispensed from the bottom side of the roll
own a cat.
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| Indeed. ~ Derik DeLong |
