Friday, August 12, 2011

Fun Friday Facts #3: Moobs, poodles, and a foul-mouthed parrot

One thing that's occurred to me since I've started doing these, is that I can't be sure if these facts are, in fact, facts. Anyone can put anything on the Internet these days, after all – just look at me go!

Here's your (probably factual) Friday Facts:

1) If you're a dude, drinking too much gives you moobs. Turns your testosterone into estrogen, guys.

Also, this. -- Morgoth666

Hmmm. Maybe I can drink away my mustache...

2) There's a reason poodles have those stupid haircuts, and it's not because they're drag queens (not that there's anything wrong with that). It's because poodles were originally bred in Germany as hunting dogs. Their job was to dive into frigid water and retrieve dead birds. As you may have noticed, poodles have long, thick, curly fur coats that can dread up when left untrimmed. This presents a problem for a swimming dog – the dreads get waterlogged, and the dog sinks.

Fluffy? Fluffy?! Fluffeeeee!! -- kkic

But the hunters couldn't just shave them bald, cause then they'd freeze to death. So they started cutting as much of the fur as they could, while leaving enough to keep the dog's important bits – its chest and joints – warm. They used to tie brightly colored cloths to that ridiculous little afro, allowing hunters to identify their dogs in the water from a distance.

Laugh all you want, I'm a proud hunter. -- Belinda

3) I mentioned in a previous blog post that I'm descended from heroic Civil War General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson. I'm also related to Andrew Jackson, otherwise known as the 7th President of the United States. Among his other questionable accomplishments, Jackson taught his pet parrot to cuss a blue streak. So much so, in fact, that it had to be removed from his funeral because its vulgarity was disturbing the mourners.

I have a lot in common with that f&cking parrot.

4) The ancient Egyptians used crocodile dung as a contraceptive vaginal suppository. Yep, they shoved reptile sh&t up their hoo-hoos. Something tells me there wasn't a lot of cunnlingus going on in the Old Kingdom.

The crazy part is, modern medical science suspects that the crocodile dung might have worked. It can raise pH levels in the vaginal canal, much like modern spermacidal suppositories do. When vaginal pH levels are too high, your man's swimmers fall dead.

Like this.

At least it's better than the ancient Chinese method – drink yourself a glass of mercury, darlin'! It won't be toxic for another 4,000 years!