Monday, April 25, 2011

My Favorite Facebook Game

I'm not one of those people who sits on Facebook, playing mindless games for hour after hour. The Facebook game I like to play isn't an app. I made it up. I call it, “Who the Hell Are You Again?”

I could play this one for hours. You'll get some guy whose profile photo is a tree, or a cow, or something. Or possibly himself in a ridiculous clown suit. Who knows. The point is, Who the Hell is He Again?

I've been on Facebook for a long time, and done a lot of traveling, and met a lot of people. I never clear anyone off the list, because that would ruin the game, but also because I like collecting things, and Facebook Friends are very, very portable.

“Man, he looks sooo familiar. Is he that guy I met in Colorado Springs? No! I picked him up hitch-hiking in Oklahoma! No, wait, he's friends with a girl from my high school English class. How the hell would they have met? I don't think he was in the says he grew up in Albany, anyway...”

Most of these hippies I met when I was traveling went by unconventional names, anyway, like “Tea Biscuit,” “Bear Claw” or “Firefly Moonweb.” But when they find me on Facebook, they're using normal names like John Green, Carrie Johnson or Alistair Smith. Even so, I can usually figure it out, if they haven't cut their hair and gone to work for the Man yet.

And then, there's fun with old classmates. For some crazy reason, no one looks quite the same as they did when they were sixteen years old. Well, okay, some of them do, we're not that old yet. But most of them have put on weight, or lost weight, or changed their hair color, or had plastic surgery (those fish-lips have got to be collagen-inflated, right?)

“Hmmm...Jennifer...I did hang out a lot with a blonde girl named Jennifer when I was about thirteen...if I squint and sort of turn my head to one side it kind of looks like her...”

Some people are wearing glasses now, or they've ditched the glasses they used to wear. Some of the men have lost their hair, some have grown enormous beards. Some have lost their hair and grown enormous beards, which isn't the way to go, if you ask me. Some post photos of their kids instead of themselves, leaving me to break out the old third-grade class picture and play Who Do You Look Like?

Naturally, all the women are now married and have changed their names. This only adds to the fun. They let you fill in your maiden name for a reason, folks.

I can't start asking who's who because that would ruin the game, and it might also hurt some feelings. To be honest, I've got a couple of people on Facebook that I don't remember from Adam. I know, from our mutual connections, that I must have lived in the same town with, gone to school with, or traveled with these people. But I have no memory of them.

They, on the other hand, seem to remember me pretty well. Well enough to find me on Facebook, be stoked about it, and talk to me everyday. I don't want to let them down. That would be a cruel thing to do.

Besides, it's nice to think I can make an impression...apparently, without even trying.


  1. I have this problem everywhere. It's one of God's practical jokes on me that He (she, it, That) made me very memorable and gave me a shit memory in exchange. I cannot for the life of me remember anyone I have not known and spoken with over a period of several years. So I have all these friends on Facebook who will chat with me very familiarly-- they remember how I wore my hair in high school (memorable, I grant you) or how many piercings I have, but I cannot remember them... at all. So my game is "Act like you know this person," only it's not just Facebook, but everywhere I go.

  2. What's really bad is when, like . . . the people you've slept with find you and want to be your friend. Like, hey, we were REALLY DRUNK and fucked once and you don't really remember me so LET'S BE FRIENDS ONLINE.


    What I've noticed is it seems to be the younger ones that do, this. I . . . I'm going to be quiet before I dig myself into a deeper hole.

    But . . . Facebook. Yeah. Farmville n shit.


  3. @Lynne I always thought I was fairly forgettable, but I guess I was wrong. Especially since you remember me, and you, by your own admission, don't remember anyone. I mean, we only knew each other for about a year before I scarpered to Paris and then hit the hippie roadshow and you know the rest. But then again, I had some distinctive hairstyles of my own.

    @Paulie AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH don't friend them!!

  4. Sometimes we meet people through blogs or internet. Don't worry, you don't know me yet. But writers can be strangers and supportive still, right? Funny post and an interesting game.

  5. The problem is I friend people without thinking about it. THEN I REALISE.

    Then they go on THAT FRIEND LIST.

    Oh yes.

  6. @Draven Actually, I think I remember you from Twitter :) Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it :)

    @Paulie LOL I'm too lazy to organize my friends into LISTS. I just have one big ol' pile.